I Have Saved Myself From Psychiatry


by Donald Leeper

At the request of friends I am writing this article that contains some important medical information for those men that suffer romantic difficulties that stem from organic physical damage that makes it impossible for them to function sexually. This article is intended primarily for mental health patients, where this condition is a very common side effect of psychiatric drugs. However it also applies to men who suffer from diseases such as cancer or diabetes.

I first told my story in an article called Saving Myself From Psychiatry. [See Part I.]

I was desperate to regain my health and have a normal life. I tried many alternative medical treatments and procedures. I had two woman who were serious about helping me overcome my difficulties. I counseled with a friend who is a doctor. Everyone expected me to improve. No matter how much carrot juice and expensive herbs I consumed, no matter how much tender loving care I was given, I never did improve. I got worse.

I belong to a men's support group and one of the members who has diabetes became impotent because of his disease. He received help from the medical profession and he now has an almost normal sex life. I was wondering if the same procedure would help me and I talked it over with a friend who is a doctor, Mark Luoto, and he made a referral to Doctor Blackwellder, who was going to see me. However about a week before I had an appointment with him he called and said that my problem was not covered under my medical insurance and that to even have an examination and tests would require that I put up $50.00 for the first visit and that I would have to pay for the tests. This is before I could receive any treatment; after that, the remedy for my problem could be expensive.

I made a moving and eloquent appeal to the Board of Supervisors (some of my best writings) for medical treatment for my physical and sexual problems; my position being that the County had caused these problems thorough medical malpractice, and they were responsible for their correction. Peter Klein, the County Counsel, took my letter to his office and never released it for the Board's review. Catching wind of Peter's unethical conduct, I took several copies of my letter to the Board of Supervisors and insisted that each member be delivered a copy. I sent the letter to several newspapers and it was printed in one that I know of.

About a week later I ran into Seiji Sugawara at Talyor Made copying and asked him if the County was going to give doctors at Mental Health knew (as I did from my own research into the matter) that there was a strong possibility that as a side effect of this medicine they would blow my sex organs out, and this was acceptable state-of-the-art medical procedure.

Neither the Mental Health Department nor the Board of Supervisors cared that I would never have a normal life, or accepted responsibility for crippling me. Seiji said that he was concerned about my well-being, and I should go on with my life, and I should not be bitter or upset over what happened to me.

People in the system think that what was done to me is a kind of joke and the system does not take my condition seriously. It seems to be accepted as business as usual and no one seems to be concerned about it. I personally do not take what was done to me lightly and I have grave and serious issues and disputes with the people who have done this to me. In my dealings with people in the system there has been a lot of talk of having me put in jail for expressing my opinion. They seem to feel once you have been a mental health client you lose your civil rights, and you should be quiet and nonassertive. That is how backwards and upside down things have become. With the great violence that was done to me I should be the one to call 911 on them.

Now that I have vented those feeling I have some good news to report about organic impotency. There is a strong possibility that through modern medical treatment you can enjoy a close approximation of a normal romantic life. I am writing this article to get this information out because the people in the Mental Health System don't care enough about you to give you these facts, or medical help. Why should they care? All those mental health employees can go home and have some romance with their wives or girlfriends, and they don't seem concerned at all that you can't.

For a long time I was under the impression that the only help for me was a penile implant that costs $20,000. I have a friend that has one, and he enjoys better sex than ever. Just starting my life over at fifty-one after being on SSI with an income of $614.00 a month for the past nine years, this was more money than I felt that I was able to afford, at least during the first year of reclaiming my life after years of psychiatric abuse. (However I have managed to raise several thousand dollars that I used to purchase a small business).

My friend Doctor Mark Luoto, whose specialty is emergency room medicine, didn't know of any treatment that would help me. I didn't have the money, or a modem, to subscribe to a medical database to research my problem myself through my computer. Mark finally came up with a medical database that I could access very inexpensively, called Plane Tree, in the Bay Area. I called them and they agreed to do a worldwide data search that would provide me with the all the information known to man about my problem, and its treatment, for $35.00. I was ready to cut them a check when I was visiting some friends and they said that they had an article that I might be interested in. The Goddess blessed me that day for there it was, finally after months of misinformation, no information, and no one caring enough about me to give me any straight medical facts -- I found a report about a medical procedure that I can administer myself that enables me to function in a normal sexual way. In other words I found that I can, with a little help, have a close, loving, intimate, almost normal relationship with a woman again, and that I had, after years of abuse, a chance for a normal life.

I told Mark about my discovery. Although he had no expertise in this area of medicine, after I met a man who confided in me that he used this method and he explained the dosage and the technical mechanics of administering the drug, Mark wrote me a prescription. Since then I have obtained the technical information on this drug and I shared it with Mark and we are learning about this medication together.

I have done it, but not a lot, since my romantic rebirth. I am still looking for the right woman to love and share my life with. Now I have more to offer a woman romantically than alternative ways of sexual expression.

The medical miracle that is allowing me to reclaim my life is a drug named Papaverine . It is good at producing erections in impotent men -- especially men with impotence due to organic damage; that is, due to disease or being poisoned for years, as I was. The drug is injected into the penis just under the head. I myself use a 1cc insulin syringe; however, because my dosage has been adjusted, I must fill the syringe twice and inject it very slowly. If it is done correctly it is almost painless. Some men use a much smaller needle.

Within a few minutes after the injection I have a very impressive response. I am then able to have intercourse and have a normal orgasm and ejaculation. I can even father children. Almost normal, but not quite. The erection produced from Papaverine lasts, in my case, and with my limited experience, for twenty to thirty minutes. I have gone from the weakest man in Mendocino County to one of the strongest. It is very rare but some men remain hard for many hours and must go to the emergency room for a shot of adrenaline, or the blood may have to be drained out directly. The drug, not the needle, can also cause fibrosis (scarring). Papaverine should not be used more than three times a week. Despite its risks I feel that it is worth it to have a chance at a normal life.

They don't give this drug away, and medical insurance won't pay for it. It costs me $100.00 for enough medicine to do it ten times. Being a Psychiatric Survivor I am more fortunate than many victims of psychiatric abuse in the way that I have recovered much of my physical and mental powers. I am strong physically. My mind has cleared and I am able to express myself and communicate effectively in print, in person and in the electronic media. I have many people in my life who care about me and encourage me to assert myself. I have a kind of aggressive confrontational style and I am going to get what I want in life because I will not quit, no matter how or what I have to do or go through to accomplish my goals. Unlike many mental health clients, or ex-mental health clients, I have many friends of influence, including friends in the medical profession, and a judge, and I know many people in the media. I also have emergency numbers that I can call if the powers that be try to lock me up, and I can generate a lot of legal and media focus. I am not powerless like many people in my position; I feel empowered to take charge of my own life and I don't sit around and wait for others to help me but I take on life head on and solve my own problems.

Many people, because of their illness, or because they have been so damaged by psychiatric treatment, don't seem capable of taking charge of their life and reclaiming themselves. Many men have confided in me that they are sexually dysfunctional because of psychiatric drugs they were given. It is a very common problem. A problem that no one in the system addresses. I went through almost a year of anguish because the Mental Health Department, who caused my dysfunction, refused to help me. Many people told me that I was so angry about my condition that people were afraid of me. People told me that with my angry, confrontational style, I wouldn't change the system, but they misunderstood me; I only wanted to vent my anger at the people who had crippled me.

I am more fortunate than many victims in that I am able to assert myself, and find solutions to by problems, and I am able generate the money I need for the treatment. Many clients are so trapped in an uncaring system that they will never have a normal life, and I think it sucks that the system won't help people realize their potential as feeling human beings capable of having full emotional and physical responses, instead of drugging them so that don't have any feeling at all. All I can do is put this information out. I don't have the money or the time to rescue people, but there is hope for those who will stand up for themselves and demand that life treat them in a fair and equitable manner.

I am issuing a personal challenge to Bob Wolf, the Director of Mental Health, to meet me in any public form to discuss these important issues. Or is it possible that Bob is so cowardly and unsure of himself that he is afraid to face a man with only eight years of formal education and no technical training?

Yours in truth and freedom and love,

Donald Leeper

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Created: November 16, 1996
Last modified: March 12, 1999

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